More, more, more – it’s the pervasive mantra today, especially when you consider that more tech devices will improve the quality of your life, more email in your inbox means you’re a more important person and more vitamin drinks will increase your performance.
More social-media followers, friends and connections mean you’re more popular and we somehow all believe that more money will fix everything. It is important to question what is fuelling this drive for more and also where this drive is taking us.
Insatiability is more complex than it might appear – it’s natural to want more; however, the challenge and complications lie in the specific focus of our wants.
Why we want
There are both obvious and not so obvious reasons why we have particular wants. These reasons and wants, such as they are, have the power to influence our thoughts, our feelings and our actions. Ultimately, for better or worse, they also shape our vision.
More is awesome. Even the concept of more is exciting; especially when it relates to something we want.
The complication comes when the rush or novelty starts to fade and we just end up craving more in an effort to keep ourselves feeling good.
Oddly, the insidious element is often not even the actual want – it’s the concept of more, made increasingly powerful by the growing desensitisation that occurs in the process.
When you eat an ice-cream, the first one tastes deeply satisfying. A second ice-cream is still good but perhaps not as satisfying as the first. If you eat a third ice-cream, it’s possible that it’s not satisfying at all. It’s the same with anything, really.
When the value of more begins to wane, you’re left with no more than a pile of stuff and a somewhat unsatisfied feeling. You probably don’t need a shrink to tell you that this isn’t so enjoyable.
Fuelling the drive
In order to figure out what to do, we must start with the two questions posited earlier: what is fuelling your drive for more and where is this drive taking you? No one can answer these questions but you.
For every ‘want’ you have, consider the ‘why’ that lies behind it. For example, why would more email signify more importance? Does it really feel better to win that competition when you share your inbox stats with a colleague?
If it does, what does this say about your focus and values? If it doesn’t, what does this say about your focus and actions? What are you really focusing on when you discuss this and what’s the real message you’re hoping to send?
Is there a more effective way to demonstrate your value to a colleague and thus choose a more meaningful focus?
Why does having more social-media followers, friends and connections mean you’re more popular?
Might your connections and followers be more concerned about how their connectivity reflects who they are or might they possibly be just a bit voyeuristic?
Do you think they’d actually follow you offline and in real life? What if you limited your connections to those who legitimately interest you?
What if you only endorsed your LinkedIn connections for skills you can properly verify with no underlying quid pro quo in mind?
Healthy desires
More isn’t all bad. In fact, it can be healthy and sustainable providing you choose the target of your focus. Take control of this choice mindfully.
Turn off the more madness by shifting toward meaning. Rather than ‘friending’ people frivolously, consider what you hope to experience or share by connecting.
What you just might get is more value and a real connection. Instead of bragging to your colleague about your inbox, ask them what’s the best email message they received that day.
Share yours too and watch how the conversation changes. What’s the likely result? More positivity, learning and value! Keep repeating this process for every want that’s hobbled by more.
We all have a drive for more in life. Whether competing or compensating, this drive can become all-consuming. Instead, we can do many things to ensure this drive takes us some place meaningful.